There’s no party in these pants

They’ve gone and done it! Honestly, I swear! A new map showing the size of penises across Europe popped up on my newsfeed two days ago. So then, does this one make up for the last one? Forget it, my poor things. It’s worse. This time, there doesn’t even seem to be any scientific research behind the long, meticulous journey, going from penis to penis with a decimal ruler.

Even if we were to assume that these results were valid, the question still remains of how they went about it. Were these men left jerking their gherkins in peace whilst they had full-on erections? Did the scientist in charge of the measurement take it upon themselves to ensure that the data was collected? Hmm, I’ll tell you what I think my friends, all that’s just a load of bullshit.