Bauble wars at Christmas

My little flowers,

I don’t know about you, but, personally, family meals are not really my thing. The problem is that the Christmas holidays are packed full of all kinds of fancy meals. And they always lead back to the same conclusions:

  • “Fuck, I really need to pee (number 1) Auntie Mavis has stuck me right at the end of the table and I can’t get out without taking somebody’s eye out (number 2) I’ve eaten so much I want to throw up. I’ll just be holding in my pee and swallowing my vomit then…”
  • “Hmm yeh err no… they’re actually always racist. How silly I am.”
  • “No Nana, I don’t have a boyfriend. Yeh, yeh I haven’t forgotten that it’s high time that I did, don’t worry.”

The magic of Christmas then, is that I always end up wanting to throw the baubles at people. At every possible occasion, I find myself looking like an idiot not knowing what to say for myself. Damn it Nana, now that I’m happily digesting my dinner I can calmly answer you (yup, the vom is still there, but I did manage to pee. Bet you’re pleased to hear that, eh?).

Well Nana I must admit that you are a genius. Yes, you didn’t need to read Sharon Sassier and Dela Kusi-Appouh from Cornwell University (Family Relations journal, December 2011) to know that less and less young people are getting married. And you’re right, I am one of them. Like them, I think about the, “social, legal, emotional and economic consequences” of a possible divorce, which are a big deal just for tearing up that piece of paper. This study shows that 2/3 of couples who live together are slowed down by these considerations. Not so romantic us youngsters, eh Nana?

On the other hand, you should be happy for me you know. If I can’t find anybody, it’s blatantly just because I have too much choice. Yes honestly, in this article Winnie Andrews discusses a scientific study from March 2011, which proved that people who are confronted with too large a choice of partners are more likely to find themselves alone as a result. Indecisiveness gets to them somehow. There are too many fish in my sea, Nana, I just don’t know where to start.

One last scientific argument: Beyoncé approves. What have you got to say to that Nana?

So, you should be happy for me. Maybe I don’t quite see straight and am not very romantic when it comes to relationships, but Nana, it’s just because I have too many suitors. I can’t help being so sexy ;)

PS 1: This article dates back to Christmas time of course. But still, I wish you a good next Christmas !
PS 2: Nana…? Come on, don’t get angry with me. I love you <3

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